Crouching Labrador, Flying Mom

Ah, President’s Day. A holiday to relax, be grateful for our country, and of course, take your dog to the veterinarian’s.

Well, at least that’s what I did.

I purposely scheduled Samson’s annual shots/vaccinations appointment for today so that it would be easier to manage. I’m off work so either CJ or me could take him, without having to tote the kids.

In the end it was me who got the pleasure of strapping Samson into his nose lead and migrating to the vet’s office.

The whole ordeal started and ended quite comically, depending upon who you ask.

In order for Samson to fit in the backseat, I had to remove Cora’s car seat. That meant that 2/3’s of the seat was open and the other third was occupied by Isabella’s car seat. Samson jumped up on to the floor. He doesn’t have the leg power to jump directly on to the seat of my SUV anymore. Once inside, instead of jumping from the floor to the seat, he walked forward. Now, there’s not all that much space for a 90 lb. dog to walk in the back seat of a car. Soon he was at the other door unsure of what to do. In front of him was the door. On the seat beside him was Isabella’s car seat.  He was trapped! I was trying to help by coaching him to walk backwards to the open side but of course he didn’t take that option.

Not Samson!

Instead, he jumped INTO Isabella’s car seat and then sat there, facing backwards. I was laughing so hard! I so wish I could have been fast enough to get a picture. It would have been priceless! But he jumped out and on to the open seat before I could grab my phone.

I was giggling over that one for like the first mile.

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We got to the vet’s, weighed him, and got him checked out. He passed with flying colors. I was given my summer supply of flea/tick meds and heartworm pills in a little baggie so I paid and then we were out the door.

Now, let me paint you a picture.

In my right hand I have ahold of Samson’s leash and the bag of meds, then over my right forearm is my purse. I was using my left hand to put my sunglasses on.

We step outside and to my immediate left is a low brick retaining wall, around which we needed to walk to get to the car. Samson must have smelled something because before I could clear the corner of the wall, he lunged.

And I went flying.

Literally.

I landed on the wet sidewalk evenly between my right elbow, hip and knee, with my right arm fully extended and still clutching the dog, bag and my purse. Samson then dragged me for 6 inches or so before I he realized Mom wasn’t upright anymore.

I was mortified.

I quickly got up and made a beeline for the car. I needed some place to hide.

Once we were all inside, I assessed the damage. Because I was wearing layers, there was no real harm to me. I actually do have a small scrape on my elbow, even with a coat and long sleeved t-shirt on. I have a scrape on my knee too, though none of my clothes were ripped.

The bag of meds however was not so lucky.

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I’m pretty sure Samson got a good laugh at my expense. I’m actually fairly impressed with myself that I didn’t let go of anything I’d been holding. #mommydeathgrip

Sadly, that wasn’t the first time Samson has pulled me off my feet, and it probably won’t be the last. One thing I am grateful for is that I didn’t have the girls with me. Would hate to think of one or both of them getting caught up in all that and somehow sustaining injury.

Never doubt the power of a Labrador, no matter how old they are.

I got a good laugh at his expense and he got a good laugh at mine. I guess all is fair in love and dog ownership.

More posts: By the Hammer of Thor! | Me, 30 Seconds Ago | Re-starting Over

By the Hammer of Thor!

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of the Thor movies.

They are full of action, adventure, myth, humor, Gods, monsters, family dysfunction, romance, blah blah…Chris Hemsworth.

Yes I like the Marvel comic movies in general because, well, they’re just fun. But having Mr. Hemsworth to look at doesn’t hurt either!

Neither does him taking his shirt off, which was my only criticism with the second movie, Thor: The Dark World. Not enough shirtless time.

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But I digress.

Yesterday I was chatting with a co-worker about upcoming weekend plans. He mentioned that his son’s birthday party was on Sunday and it had an Avengers theme. Then he rolled his eyes at his wife and how she’s one of those “Pinterest Moms” that goes way overboard for their kids’ birthday parties – overdoing a theme, hand making decorations, going crazy with food and inviting everyone they know. He went on to tell me some of the items she was making – including cake pops that will be in the shape of Thor’s hammer.

That’s when this conversation happened.

  • Me: Oh how cute!
  • Male co-worker: She’s also making cake pops that have to do with Hulk.
  • Me: Huh. Well I would like the hammer ones. I think I would eat Thor’s hammer.
  • MALE co-worker: [just stares at me and smirks]
  • Me: I mean the cake pops. Not THAT way. [nervous giggle] I don’t care about Thor’s hammer. Well, not that I don’t care I mean I’m sure he has a nice hammer but you know…

And then I just stopped talking. 

I think my face was 50 Shades of Red.

He just laughed and changed the subject while in my head I ran screaming from the room, all the way to Asgard.

I’m pretty sure I won’t live that one down for a long time.  Not even 30 minutes later, another co-worker asked me for some help and when I went to her desk she said, “Oh, before I forget, I’m supposed to ask you about Thor’s hammer.”

You said it Ron…

Have you ever had a super embarrassing moment at work? Or kept talking and digging yourself deeper in to a hole?

More posts: Me, 30 Seconds Ago | Re-Starting Over | Deep Thoughts

Me, 30 Seconds Ago

These days, I have to make good use of my time. For example, If I’m going to leave work over lunch, which often means walking a quarter of a mile to my car, then I’m going to use the time wisely. That’s how, on Monday, I ended up at Petco around noon.

You see, my sister and her family were out of town so my parents were staying at their house, watching their animals. The weather had just undergone a dramatic change, going from 60 degrees on Friday to a high of 7 degrees on Sunday.

My mom was worried about the house staying warm and the pipes freezing so she asked me to swing by and “flush the toilets.”

Yes, you read that right. My dear mum didn’t want me to get their mail or bring in the newspaper or water the plants. She had others taking care of those tasks. No, instead my very important job was to flush the toilet.

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Ok fine.

But I certainly wasn’t going to leave work and drive across town simply to flush a toilet. So I plotted out a list of other stops I could make on my way back. That list looked like this:

  1. Go to Mom and Dad’s. Flush the toilet. Grab a snack.
  2. Stop by the Goodwill and drop off one last box to donate before year end.
  3. Swing by Petco for dog food.
  4. IF TIME, wander over to Ulta for glitter nail polish (hey, New Year’s Eve was coming and my nails felt like dressing up).
  5. Head back to work

I made my first stop and completed the aforementioned toilet flushing. But I didn’t just flush one toilet. No, no. If I’m going to do a job, I’m going to do it well. I flushed TWO toilets and I also ran a few faucets.

There will be no pipe freezing on my watch!

I grabbed a bag of apple slices and off I went to Goodwill.

Part of me was bracing for a huge line of people doing the same thing but the universe was smiling upon me for I pulled up and found only one car ahead of me.  I handed over my box, got a receipt and headed out. As I looked in my rear view mirror I saw a line of literally 10 cars behind me. Damn. Talk about good timing!

Next stop – Petco!

This is where is gets weird.

I pull in to the parking lot and spy a rock star spot that is a pull through.

Sidebar: to know me you must know that I never pass up a pull through spot. I hate driving in reverse – it’s inefficient and, well, not my strong suit – so any time the opportunity of a pull through presents itself, I’ll take it. If you really want to tick me off, pull in to a spot with a clear pull through and don’t take it. That makes absolutely no sense to me. At all. God gave us pull throughs for a reason people. (I’m not alone in this as it ranks as #879 on a list of 1000 Awesome things)

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But I digress.

I’m all set to pull through when a red Honda CR-V comes out of nowhere and TAKES the spot I was going to pull forward into. I’m sitting there, aghast, staring at 2 women my age wondering what they could possibly have been thinking. One of them looks up and makes eye contact with me and I’m pretty sure I saw guilt in her eyes. Or maybe it was shame.

I glare at them from behind my sunglasses and exit the car. As I’m approaching the store, I notice the driver of said CR-V is walking in to Petco behind me.

I stop to get a cart because I’m there to get dog food and with a big dog like Samson, you buy as big of a bag as you can on each trip or else you’ll be there all the time. And I’m not going to schlep around the store hauling  a 35lb. bag of food over my shoulder. I’ll leave that for the barbarian pull through stealer, who by the way walked passed the carts and ahead of me in to the store.

As I’m making my way to the back, where the food is, I see the Thief coming back to the front and getting a cart. I find the aisle I need and hoist that big bag o’food in to the cart. At that moment, Thiefy enters the same aisle behind me.

Having acquired what I needed, I exit the aisle and turn left toward the check out area. I hear Stealy McStealerson grab a 35 lb. bag of her own (the same brand of food I had just picked, by the way) and put it in her cart. Sure enough, pretty soon here she comes out of the aisle and plotting along behind me toward the cash register.

I enter the check out queue and so does she.

I wait behind a lady buying crickets for a snake (ew) and the Robber Barron waits behind me.

At my turn, I hand over a coupon and member card, pay and continue on. Out of the corner of my eye I notice her hand over her member card and a coupon.

Seriously? Is this a prank of some kind? Or did I enter another dimension where someone is always doing the same thing as me, only 30 seconds later?

I quicken my pace and load the food in to my car. Stealy’s friend is sitting in the CR-V waiting for her. I return my cart and practically run next door to Ulta.

I made a beeline for the clearance section, which happened to be conveniently by the nail polish, and wait, just sure Robbie Robberson is going to walk in at any moment. But alas she does not. I seem to have shaken her for good.

I grab my sparkly shellac, along with a holiday lotion set that was 50% off (it would be a crime NOT to buy it!), and  head out. The CR-V is gone when I get back to my car.

Ok so maybe the whole thing wasn’t as dramatic as all that but it was still very weird. It sort of made me think about life’s little coincidences. Or what about the times we miss a catastrophe by mere seconds and think, man, if I had been 10 seconds later, I would be the one in that accident.

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I’ll never know if there was a purpose for all that or if it was just a happenstance but it sure amused me. Who knows, maybe right now, somewhere in Omaha, there’s another 37 year old mom and owner of a big dog just starting a blog post, as I finish mine.

 

Related posts: Re-starting Over | Fat Talk | Munch and Punk

Re-starting Over

Well. Hello there! How have you been?

I know, it’s been a while. Maybe too long. Did you forget about me? I almost did.

Do you have a minute? Oh good! Let’s chat. Here, have a cookie and some tea. I have something on my mind I’d like to share with you.

I’ve been thinking long and hard about this blog and if I want to keep it going. It started out as a place to post stories of my crazy work environment. I wanted to share some of the funny and weird things we encountered. Those posts are still my most popular to date.

But once I left that office, the focus shifted to posts about my family and life at home. After a time I felt stuck in the silo of Mommy Blogger. Don’t get me wrong – there are a ton of great Mom Blogs out there but I felt like I was always competing with them and never quite measured up. The posts became more like long status updates and my heart wasn’t in it.

So I just stopped posting. I even thought about shutting this whole thing down.

Then I realized the other day that I could get back to what I started with. Not necessarily stories about The Annex but about other strange things that go on in the life of Team Trader. Believe me there are plenty. I recount them to friends and family all the time, so why not here?

So, that is going to be my new focus. That’s not to say I’ll never post about my family again. On the contrary, more often then not they’ll probably be featured in my stories. But it won’t be to report on the latest milestones Cora is hitting or how our financial situation is going (by the way, this year we’ve paid off all our debts except the house – BOO YAH!). It’ll be more like “you’ll never believe what happened when we tried to go look at Christmas lights the other night.”

I hope this change will rejuvenate both my spirit in writing and your spirit in reading this blog. 

Do you want to hear a tale? You do! Great!


I have to tell you about a phenomenon that goes on in this house. It’s called the Sleep Principle. This is how it works: whenever I have a morning where I could sleep in, Isabella or Cora will wake up extra early. On days when I work or have an appointment, and therefore it doesn’t matter to me how late they sleep, they will set records with the amount of time they will stay in bed. This can also be called “The Odds Are Forever In Your Favor CJ” Principle.

Saturday was one of those days when I could have used a few extra winks. I was feeling the beginnings of a cold and was also worn out from the hustle and bustle of the season. Well wouldn’t you know it but Cora was awake at 3:30 a.m. wanting to eat. I fed her and got back to bed by 4:15.

I believe it was exactly 2 hours later, and approximately 90 minutes after I finally fell asleep, that I heard “Mommy it’s morning!” and turned to find Isabella staring at me.

“Go back to bed,” I muttered knowing full well I was wasting my breath.

“No Mommy I’m hungry.”

Sigh. Fine.

I got up and shuffled downstairs. I made a deal with her that if I put in a movie and gave her food, she would watch it quietly while I went back upstairs to rest. After all, that’s what parenting is all about right – bribery and deal making. I popped in Despicable Me, made up a breakfast plate and was ready to head upstairs when I felt the call of nature. A call that could not be ignored.

So I made a detour in to the downstairs bathroom.

I had just finished drying my hands and was rounding the corner toward the staircase when I heard it.

The all too familiar sound of a dog dry heaving.

I tell you what, I have never run up those stairs so fast. I actually think I flew at one point.

I hurdled up to the second floor, tore down the hallway to Samson’s Loft (What? Your dog doesn’t have his own loft?) and yanked open the kennel door in time to see him puke all over his bed.

Good morning to you too!

Then he started the dry heaving again. I grabbed his collar and yell-whispered “Go Dude go! Outside! Come on!” while dragging him down the stairs. You try dragging 88 pounds of heaving dog down the stairs some time and see how fast you go. We didn’t quite make it and he hacked again in the playroom. I finally got him out the back door but he was already done by then.

I looked at the mess for a good 30 seconds while contemplating my options. I could do the responsible thing and clean it up immediately or I could ignore it and go back to bed. Of course I chose the adult grown up option -  place a paper towel on top of the pile so it was clearly marked, and then hustle up to my pillowed wonderland.

And just as I laid my head down on that sweet soft gateway to dream world, Cora woke up.

It was at that point that I elbowed CJ and told him to get up. I knew there was no going back to sleep for me but dammit I was not about to deal with all that awaited outside our bedroom doors all alone. There were kids to feed, diapers to change and 2 piles of puke to clean up.

Welcome to my life of luxury!

I hope you’ll come back soon to share in it some more!

 

Deep Thoughts from Isabella | Life A.D. – 6 Months | Then She Was Four

Deep Thoughts from Isabella

“I’m going to sing a song called Poopy Diapers. Don’t worry, it’s not about diapers….it’s about fear.”

“Somewhere you go is where you were.”

“No that’s not a snail it’s a caterpillar…from North Dakota”

“I want to be Katie Perry when I grow up. And an astronaut.”

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For more Team Trader fun, check these out:

And then she was four | Munch and Punk | Little Things