I am tired. It’s been a long busy day. It started at 6 a.m. and it’ll end here in an hour or so.

I got up so early on a Sunday in order to head downtown to the Omaha Corporate Cup Run. The information sheet I had said to arrive no later than 7:30 a.m. so, being the good little girl that I am, I got there at 6:45. I think I was one of the first ones. The vendor booths weren’t even up yet! At least I got a good parking spot!

I spent the next 2 hours sitting around inside the Civic Auditorium Arena waiting for the race to begin. The vendors put up their booths and I watched them. People started meandering around and I watched them too. I went down at one point to get a goodie bag, then found another seat.

 

I decided to load up on free stuff before the race since I had a backpack to put it in. So I went from booth to booth, collecting whatever they had to offer. Finally it was race time and I headed outside.

It was a cold and dreary rainy morning. The fog was heavy and I was greeted to a beautiful, albeit gloomy, site when I exited the auditorium.

I headed over to stand with the other walkers and runners, and waited for the gun to go off.

I didn’t have any goals with this race – other than to finish. I wasn’t out to break records or run the full 2 miles or beat anyone. I just wanted a good workout. The last race I did was in October 2010 for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. With that one, my goal was to run the full 5k  and do it in under 40 minutes. I finished in 39 minutes but I didn’t run the whole thing. I walked part way. In my perfectionist mind, that wasn’t good enough. I beat myself up for days because I didn’t push myself to run more. Consequently, I didn’t enjoy it.

This time was different. I just relaxed and started walking. I let my iPod drive my pace. I had it in shuffle mode and if a slow song came on, I walked. If it was a fast song, I ran. Simple as that. I didn’t pay attention to any one around me other than to respect them for being there. I didn’t try to beat anyone or compare myself. I just did my own thing. And I enjoyed it. I finished the 2 miles in 35 minutes and that was a-ok with me. I left right away and headed home. I was ready for a nap and a shower.

Later in the afternoon, we went to a Remembrance of Life Service being put on by the health system my OB-GYN belongs to. It was a memorial service to honor all those babies whose lives were lost too soon. At first I was all keyed up because it was raining and I was nervous about my family finding the park. Then I was worried about Isabella behaving. Finally I made myself stop and become fully present for the service. They read a poem, then sang a few songs. One of the songs was about how we were never meant to meet on Earth but will one day meet in heaven. The words moved me to tears. Isabella sat on my lap and I clung to her, letting myself cry quietly in her hair. Then they read aloud all the names of the babies that we being honored. When they said “Baby Trader 1” and “Baby Trader 2”, tears came again.

The final piece was to release balloons in to the air, one for each baby. We got to write a note and attach it to each balloon. Then we let them go.

Those are our 2 balloons, rising up with the rest. I got choked up as they rose, up and up, onward to the heavens.

There were a lot of babies being remembered and a lot of balloons rising up high. Soon they all disappeared.

It was a neat ceremony and I was grateful to Methodist Health Systems for putting it on. It was cathartic and healing for both of us.

Now, it’s time for bed. Time to relax with a book and then drift off to sleep, ready to take on a new week!

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