$#*! People Say – The Puzzler

Followers of old may remember a popular segment on the blog called “$#*! My British Friend Says” wherein I posted random quotes my dear friend from Britain would say that were totally random, usually inappropriate and always hilarious. Well, I am proud to say I have more friends that fall in to the category of saying random, inappropriate and hilarious things and I’m happy to share them with you here!

One of those people is The Puzzler (as always, names are changed to protect the innocent). Like The Brit, The Puzzler works with me (she actually works for me….she’s my HR nightmare as you’ll soon see). Unlike The Brit, The Puzzler says things without knowing or understanding that they’re inappropriate until someone explains it to her. Which we may or may not always do. Below are a few highlights – yes she actually said these things in a work environment and none were meant in any kind of sexual way. Also she’s a few years from retirement so she doesn’t really care either.

  • Do you lubricate before bed?
  • Oh no I like going down!
  • You can tell it’s not tight because I can move it.
  • I get off on that
  • Over break my boyfriend and I were playing Ring-a-round the Rosie and he gave me a black eye.
  • Can I have a dickle?
  • I have a tickler for that
  • Wow look at her box
  • Oh we can wait a minute, he’s coming…he’s coming…oh there he comes!

There will be plenty more to come, I can guarantee it.


Annexed Revisited

Ah the good old days of breathing in mold and running away from crazy men on Scooters.

Today I returned to Southroads for an afternoon career fair our company was holding. I’m not gonna lie – I was really excited to go back. As dumpy and creepy as that mall can be, it will always hold a special place in my heart.


Beautiful isn’t it? Don’t you wish this was your home away from home?

Yeah I didn’t think so.

Nothing has changed there. Walking in the doors was like entering a time warp.


Albeit a blurry time warp (I took this pic kinda fast because there were people watching me and I felt silly).

I headed down the hallway, my mind set on where my first stop would be. On the way I noticed one new addition –


Apparently the Greater Omaha Bowling Association has added this museum. However it doesn’t appear to be open for business yet.

I continued on my way down the hall and the escalators that don’t work to my main destination – John’s Grecian Delight


John was there frantically serving up gyros and burgers (it was actually pretty busy). The food was just as good as I remembered it – greasy and full of love!


I took it upstairs with me to eat in the “Food Court”. I had been in there no less than 5 minutes when who do I see but Scooter!! He was zipping through the room headed out the back to the creepy bathrooms. I tried to get a pic but wasn’t fast enough. I figured he’d be back through shortly so I kept eating my lunch. 10 minutes went by, then 15. Finally it got to be time for me to leave and Scooter hadn’t returned. He was either having a major bathroom moment or had escaped by way of the elevator. I decided to investigate.

I headed back there with the rouse that I was using the restrooms too, as if anyone was paying attention to me. I turned the corner and nearly walked right in to him. He was sitting on his scooter in the middle of the hallway. I said “hi” and then ducked in to the loo. I waited the appropriate amount of time and then came back out.

He was gone.


I reversed my footsteps and went back through the cafeteria and out in to the mall. I saw him zooming away. I tried to get a decent pic but I was too far away. This was the best I could do.


He’s the green blob just behind the short brown wall. See the orange flag attached to the back of the scooter? Also, notice that he is looking right at me? Yeah, he turned around just as I was snapping this pic.

Or is that the Loch Ness monster?

From there it was time to head in to the office and get to work. But just in case you were wondering…


The t-shirt store is having an inventory reduction sale! Hurry before everything is gone!

Nothing too exciting today. No ceiling drips or fainting. Just another day at the Annex!

Not a Pleasure to Meet You

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting at my desk, trying not to fall asleep working hard and minding my own business when I got an Instant Message from one of our testers in Romania. I have worked with this gentleman before, like early last year, on a project and he was nice enough, though I couldn’t figure out why he would be pinging me now. He said that he was in Omaha for the week and would like to meet me while he was here. Oh how nice! I thought. I told him where to find me and he came right on over.

And spent the next 8 minutes (yes, I was counting) insulting me and explaining how awful Omaha is.

He started with the weather. It’s way too humid here, he said. And did I know that I had the choice to move? Why would anyone continue to live in a place like this.

Maybe because you don’t live here, I thought.

But in the practice of trying to show interest in him, I just smiled and agreed that yes it is hot and humid here, but we are used to it. He told me that in Europe, people move all the time. Don’t like a city? Just move! Then he asked if I had ever heard of Greece. Um, not only had I heard of it but I have actually been there. Fancy that! Us Nebraska hicks actually travel once in a while! He told me he could build a house on the coast of Greece for 20,000. Well hey, good for you buddy. Why don’t you go do that right now!

Then he went on to say that he’s been here for a week already and there is nothing to do here. Someone took him to Jazz on the Green, and that was cool, but that’s about all we have in Omaha.

I just stared at him and smiled.

He saw the picture that I have in my cube of me with the Olympian and asked if that was my sister. I told him, no, that is one of our Olympic athletes. This time he just stared. He mumbled something about how we must be so in to sports because there is nothing else to do here. I considered reminding him of the Romanian gymnastics teams and how seriously his country takes that sport but decided not to waste my breath.

I was quickly growing tired of his insults and pretending to be interested in his opinions. He pointed to a picture of CJ, Isabella and me and commented on having a family. Yes, my daughter is almost 2 and so much fun. How about you – do you have a family?

Oh no I’m too young to have a family! Well gee thanks. Now I suddenly feel like Granny Mae. He went on to explain that men should work hard and build up wealth, then buy a nice house before starting a family. His plan is to do just that and then marry a 20-something.

Didn’t realize I was talking to the Hugh Heffner of Romania.

By this time I’d had enough and told him I had to run to a meeting (which was actually true. The first time I was grateful to have a meeting). He thanked me for my time and left.

This morning I saw him in the cafeteria while I was getting breakfast. He was at a table across the room. I pretended not to see him and got the hell out of Dodge.

Sorry dude but this old lady has things to do. After all, it’s hard work to be ignorant and not realize I have options to move and instead suffer in the humidity because I have never heard of Greece.

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The Customer is Always Right! Right?

Why I’m Looking for My Happy Place

Don’t Have it Your Way