By the Hammer of Thor!

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of the Thor movies.

They are full of action, adventure, myth, humor, Gods, monsters, family dysfunction, romance, blah blah…Chris Hemsworth.

Yes I like the Marvel comic movies in general because, well, they’re just fun. But having Mr. Hemsworth to look at doesn’t hurt either!

Neither does him taking his shirt off, which was my only criticism with the second movie, Thor: The Dark World. Not enough shirtless time.

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But I digress.

Yesterday I was chatting with a co-worker about upcoming weekend plans. He mentioned that his son’s birthday party was on Sunday and it had an Avengers theme. Then he rolled his eyes at his wife and how she’s one of those “Pinterest Moms” that goes way overboard for their kids’ birthday parties – overdoing a theme, hand making decorations, going crazy with food and inviting everyone they know. He went on to tell me some of the items she was making – including cake pops that will be in the shape of Thor’s hammer.

That’s when this conversation happened.

  • Me: Oh how cute!
  • Male co-worker: She’s also making cake pops that have to do with Hulk.
  • Me: Huh. Well I would like the hammer ones. I think I would eat Thor’s hammer.
  • MALE co-worker: [just stares at me and smirks]
  • Me: I mean the cake pops. Not THAT way. [nervous giggle] I don’t care about Thor’s hammer. Well, not that I don’t care I mean I’m sure he has a nice hammer but you know…

And then I just stopped talking. 

I think my face was 50 Shades of Red.

He just laughed and changed the subject while in my head I ran screaming from the room, all the way to Asgard.

I’m pretty sure I won’t live that one down for a long time.  Not even 30 minutes later, another co-worker asked me for some help and when I went to her desk she said, “Oh, before I forget, I’m supposed to ask you about Thor’s hammer.”

You said it Ron…

Have you ever had a super embarrassing moment at work? Or kept talking and digging yourself deeper in to a hole?

More posts: Me, 30 Seconds Ago | Re-Starting Over | Deep Thoughts

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Me, 30 Seconds Ago

These days, I have to make good use of my time. For example, If I’m going to leave work over lunch, which often means walking a quarter of a mile to my car, then I’m going to use the time wisely. That’s how, on Monday, I ended up at Petco around noon.

You see, my sister and her family were out of town so my parents were staying at their house, watching their animals. The weather had just undergone a dramatic change, going from 60 degrees on Friday to a high of 7 degrees on Sunday.

My mom was worried about the house staying warm and the pipes freezing so she asked me to swing by and “flush the toilets.”

Yes, you read that right. My dear mum didn’t want me to get their mail or bring in the newspaper or water the plants. She had others taking care of those tasks. No, instead my very important job was to flush the toilet.

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Ok fine.

But I certainly wasn’t going to leave work and drive across town simply to flush a toilet. So I plotted out a list of other stops I could make on my way back. That list looked like this:

  1. Go to Mom and Dad’s. Flush the toilet. Grab a snack.
  2. Stop by the Goodwill and drop off one last box to donate before year end.
  3. Swing by Petco for dog food.
  4. IF TIME, wander over to Ulta for glitter nail polish (hey, New Year’s Eve was coming and my nails felt like dressing up).
  5. Head back to work

I made my first stop and completed the aforementioned toilet flushing. But I didn’t just flush one toilet. No, no. If I’m going to do a job, I’m going to do it well. I flushed TWO toilets and I also ran a few faucets.

There will be no pipe freezing on my watch!

I grabbed a bag of apple slices and off I went to Goodwill.

Part of me was bracing for a huge line of people doing the same thing but the universe was smiling upon me for I pulled up and found only one car ahead of me.  I handed over my box, got a receipt and headed out. As I looked in my rear view mirror I saw a line of literally 10 cars behind me. Damn. Talk about good timing!

Next stop – Petco!

This is where is gets weird.

I pull in to the parking lot and spy a rock star spot that is a pull through.

Sidebar: to know me you must know that I never pass up a pull through spot. I hate driving in reverse – it’s inefficient and, well, not my strong suit – so any time the opportunity of a pull through presents itself, I’ll take it. If you really want to tick me off, pull in to a spot with a clear pull through and don’t take it. That makes absolutely no sense to me. At all. God gave us pull throughs for a reason people. (I’m not alone in this as it ranks as #879 on a list of 1000 Awesome things)

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But I digress.

I’m all set to pull through when a red Honda CR-V comes out of nowhere and TAKES the spot I was going to pull forward into. I’m sitting there, aghast, staring at 2 women my age wondering what they could possibly have been thinking. One of them looks up and makes eye contact with me and I’m pretty sure I saw guilt in her eyes. Or maybe it was shame.

I glare at them from behind my sunglasses and exit the car. As I’m approaching the store, I notice the driver of said CR-V is walking in to Petco behind me.

I stop to get a cart because I’m there to get dog food and with a big dog like Samson, you buy as big of a bag as you can on each trip or else you’ll be there all the time. And I’m not going to schlep around the store hauling  a 35lb. bag of food over my shoulder. I’ll leave that for the barbarian pull through stealer, who by the way walked passed the carts and ahead of me in to the store.

As I’m making my way to the back, where the food is, I see the Thief coming back to the front and getting a cart. I find the aisle I need and hoist that big bag o’food in to the cart. At that moment, Thiefy enters the same aisle behind me.

Having acquired what I needed, I exit the aisle and turn left toward the check out area. I hear Stealy McStealerson grab a 35 lb. bag of her own (the same brand of food I had just picked, by the way) and put it in her cart. Sure enough, pretty soon here she comes out of the aisle and plotting along behind me toward the cash register.

I enter the check out queue and so does she.

I wait behind a lady buying crickets for a snake (ew) and the Robber Barron waits behind me.

At my turn, I hand over a coupon and member card, pay and continue on. Out of the corner of my eye I notice her hand over her member card and a coupon.

Seriously? Is this a prank of some kind? Or did I enter another dimension where someone is always doing the same thing as me, only 30 seconds later?

I quicken my pace and load the food in to my car. Stealy’s friend is sitting in the CR-V waiting for her. I return my cart and practically run next door to Ulta.

I made a beeline for the clearance section, which happened to be conveniently by the nail polish, and wait, just sure Robbie Robberson is going to walk in at any moment. But alas she does not. I seem to have shaken her for good.

I grab my sparkly shellac, along with a holiday lotion set that was 50% off (it would be a crime NOT to buy it!), and  head out. The CR-V is gone when I get back to my car.

Ok so maybe the whole thing wasn’t as dramatic as all that but it was still very weird. It sort of made me think about life’s little coincidences. Or what about the times we miss a catastrophe by mere seconds and think, man, if I had been 10 seconds later, I would be the one in that accident.

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I’ll never know if there was a purpose for all that or if it was just a happenstance but it sure amused me. Who knows, maybe right now, somewhere in Omaha, there’s another 37 year old mom and owner of a big dog just starting a blog post, as I finish mine.

 

Related posts: Re-starting Over | Fat Talk | Munch and Punk

Puff

I’m not a crier. I may have mentioned this before but it’s worth repeating. I am not one to get emotional at movies, books, TV shows or songs.

Except for that ASPCA animal cruelty commercial with the Sarah MacLauchlan song playing in the background. My heavens that is like a arrow straight to the heart!  I have to immediately turn the channel or risk a meltdown and then emergency run to the Humane Society to buy up every last puppy there.

At any rate, I may not cry a lot but I do feel emotions. Despite popular opinion that I am “Hard-hearted Hannah from the South of Savannah” (cough MOM cough), I really do feel things. One powerful image I have from childhood was with a certain dragon named Puff.

Remember that one? It’s a song by Peter, Paul and Mary about a little boy named Jackie Paper who has a pet dragon and they play and have wonderful times until the boy grows up and leaves at which point Puff essentially crawls in to his cave and dies. Or as the song goes, “Puff that mighty dragon he ceased his fearless roar.”

Get your Kleenex ready…

Really? REALLY?! This is a children’s song! Come on, man! Every time I heard that song I would get sad and want to cry. Poor Puff! I have outlawed that song from ever being played in my presence again, along with the movies Fox and the Hound and Bambi (come on Disney!).

Well guess what?

My mom gave Isabella a “Puff the Magic Dragon” book today. And behold! It came with a CD of the song!

Puff, the Magic Dragon

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When I saw it I gave my mom a look and said, “Please tell me this is not the original song with the sad ending.”

She assured me that no, this was a different ending, a happy one, where Jackie comes back with his daughter to play with Puff. Great! All is well in the world.

I even played the CD in the car on the way home.

It was not a new version.

It was the original version.

And the weirdest thing happened. My eyes started leaking. There must be something wrong with them. Most likely a side affect of getting older.

Isabella fell asleep so she didn’t hear most of it. Someday we’ll have to explain it to her though.

Or I could ban it from ever being played again. EVER.

Summertime One Liners

I have never picked fresh flowers from a garden.

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Boy was I missing out.

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I think I pulled a muscle swatting at a spider that was hanging down from my belt.

I’m so glad kids don’t inherit the fears of their parents.

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I do wish she had inherited my ability to lay down and go to sleep right away without getting up 800 times or crying.

It’s amazing what a difference 10 degrees can make. 90 feels a lot better than 100.

80 would feel a lot better than 90.

Samson broke out of the backyard tonight and then 30 minutes later, after I got him home, he stole one of Munchkins’ toys.

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The old boy’s got some spunk in him yet!

I still feel like that spider is still on me. Is it on me?

Magic beans do not work.

Magic Mike, on the other hand, will work quite nicely for me tomorrow night.

I’ve started adding mid-day walks back in to my work schedule.

I like it when I stumble across things like this on my walks.

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The nasty blisters I developed on the back of my foot from wearing the wrong shoes I could do without.

Now that the 4th of July has come and gone, the end of Summer will be here before we know it.

Better enjoy every minute of it while it lasts.

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If you liked this, you might also like:

Damage | From the Mouths of Babes: Rhyme Time | Long Holiday Weekends

Random Thought Friday

It’s the end of another week. Time is flying by and you know what? I actually feel like I’m filling mine up with valuable things. This is the first year in a long time where I am really “seizing the day” and taking advantage of every opportunity. I’ve done things I never would have thought I’d do and it’s been great! Here are the various things going on in my life or occupying my mind lately.

1. One of the “bucket list” items I was able to cross off this week was going to a real life fashion show. My good friend Stacey was a model in the Cancer Survivor Night of Omaha Fashion Week and I went to support her.

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It was neat to see so many cancer survivors walking the runway and showing their stuff! I was really proud of Stacey too – she did awesome!

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(source: Shelley)

Another perk? VIP goodie bags!

Ok, I was not a VIP. But there were a few bags left lying around so I stole picked one up… Here’s the loot!

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Some samples of beauty products…

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Some coupons and gourmet dog treats…

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Notice there are 5 bags of dog treats. I did not have all 5 of those in my bag. None of the friends with me own a dog so they all donated their gourmet goodies to Samson.

He scored big man.

Oh, and there were cute little cupcakes too!

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I took this picture in my car, 2.5 seconds before I shoved this whole thing in my mouth.

2. Another fun thing I did this week was make my own “glass art”. Some gals from work were getting together to do it and had an extra slot so I gladly tagged along.

Here’s the gang.

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No I didn’t make that lovely pumpkin I’m holding. We just grabbed random stuff for the picture.

This is what I made.

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That’s what it looks like before being fired anyway. We’ll get the cooked and final piece back in about a week so I’ll post another pic then. I was going for a sunset scene ala Frank Lloyd Wright (you know, the guy who wrote “Phantom of the Opera”…or at least that’s what one of the gals thought (ehem, Nicki)). I hope it turns out!

3. If your office is like mine, people bring in food all the time. Either left over goodies that they don’t want around their house or perhaps a splurge they wanted to share with their co-workers. The gesture is nice and the goodies are appreciated but it can also get to be a bit much.

One of the very forward thinking gals in our pod figured out one way to stop the food drops: puzzles.

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If there is a 750 piece puzzle on the table, no one can put food there, right?

Little did she know she was creating monsters. We all know I’m competitive and obsessive at times (wonder if that’s where Samson gets it from…?) so when the challenge of a puzzle was presented, I dove right in. There were a few of us that became hooked pretty quickly and this bad boy was completed in less than a week.

Here’s a closer shot.

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It worked though! No food was brought over to our area! There was still food in other areas but most of the time I didn’t know it was around so I didn’t get the urge to eat it! Genius!

Next week we take on a 1000 piece puzzle!

4. Moving Isabella to a toddler bed may happen sooner than we originally thought. Yesterday CJ put her in time out, up in her crib. She managed to climb out, open the gate at the top of the steps, climb down, open the gate at the bottom and walk on in to the kitchen. Guess the cage crib isn’t going to hold her any longer. Toddler bed, here we come!

5. I’ve been trying to figure out little, easy ways to save money here and there and have come up with some good ones. Here’s what I’m doing.

  • Most of us use way more water than necessary. For example, when washing clothes, the water only needs to barely cover the clothes in the drum. Any more is wasted. So I’ve started setting the size to one less than I normally would. I also change the time to a shorter period. The clothes still get clean but with less water used.
  • We’ve started splitting meals when we go out to eat. Most of the time Isabella and I can share and still have plenty to go around. Saves money and eliminates food waste.
  • I’ve also started using up all the little travel sized toiletries we have lying around. I actually have a whole drawer dedicated to them in the closet:

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We used to travel a lot and it’s like a cardinal rule that you have to take the little toiletries from the hotel when you leave right? But then we never use them.

Well that ends now! I literally have enough tiny toothpaste tubes to last me for the rest of the year. Plus shampoos and conditioners and lotion. And of course shower caps!

At first I was hesitant because my non-existent limp hair needs volumizing products and most of the hotel stuff is for dry hair.  But then I realized that as long as ONE of my products was volumizing, the rest didn’t have to be. So, if I use a “good” shampoo, the conditioner can be a sample and I’ll still look ok! Cha-ching!

 

Well, that’s about it. My mind is emptied and I’m ready for bed. Or a glass of wine. Whichever…

Have a great weekend!