I’m sitting here watching my daughters play outside with their friends. Its a cool, rainy day but they don’t care. They bundle themselves up and forge on outside.
CJ is upstairs painting our bedroom. Sandy is sleeping on the couch next to me.
What am I doing? Racking my brain trying to think of something productive to do.
I’ve already gone to the grocery store, done several loads of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, planned meals for the week, sketched out ideas for the bedroom that CJ is painting and read 2 articles for a class I’m taking.
All before 3:00.
But now what? I really need to pack my bag for work tomorrow. And there are a ton of boxes downstairs to go through. However, both of those options would require me being on a different floor as the play group and I really don’t want to leave them alone, unsupervised.
Part of me says, hey, just sit and relax. Read a book! Watch TV! Play a game on your phone!
Another part of me feels guilty for that. Like I’m not contributing if I’m not actively doing something for the greater good of the house and family.
I’ve struggled with this problem for years. The inability to relax and “do nothing”. Even in situations where it’s my job to relax (i.e. during a massage), I can’t do it. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened at a chiropractic appointment:
Doc: OK now relax your arm.
Me: Yep, I am.
Doc: No you’re not. Your muscle is engaged. Take a deep breath and just relax that muscle.
Me: OK, done.
Doc: *sigh* Um, no. As he let’s go of my arm and I’m still holding it up.
Sometimes I look at this one and envy her.
Sandy, like all dogs, never has trouble taking it easy. She can sleep anywhere, anytime.
In some ways I think a lot of women face this same struggle. We try to be everything to everyone which means we are always moving and going. If we stop for too long, someone or something will suffer.
Men never seem to be plagued by this.
I have to remember though that the more I push myself, the more I wear down. Relaxation is good for me. And what’s good for me is good for everyone in my family.
So now that I’ve spent half an hour writing and editing this post, I think it’s time to publish and then sit and read a book with a hot cup of tea.