$#*! My British Friend Says – She’s Back!!

I have some advice for you. Go get yourself a British friend. I highly recommend it. They sound cool when they talk- regardless of what they say (and they say some weird things). They eat some gnarly shit but they know good tea and how to drink it. And they’re just downright awesome people.

Ok so I’m generalizing. I can’t vouch for every British person there is. But I can vouch for one – the Brit.

The Brit and I had dinner the other night and it was fun to spend time together again. It was like old times.

Here are a few highlights.

  • He’s F*ing rude! But good. Don’t forget good.
  • I love it when you order pudding. I like watching you eat.
  • [The waitress] “Do you want 6 or 9 ounces of wine?” The Brit holds up 9 fingers and says “6”.
  • Are you going to finish your chips? I love to eat them like a sandwich with coleslaw in the middle.

In other exciting news, The Brit and I are planning a trip back to the Annex to explore our old stomping grounds and see what adventure we can rustle up. Stay tuned!!

$#*! People Say – The Puzzler

Followers of old may remember a popular segment on the blog called “$#*! My British Friend Says” wherein I posted random quotes my dear friend from Britain would say that were totally random, usually inappropriate and always hilarious. Well, I am proud to say I have more friends that fall in to the category of saying random, inappropriate and hilarious things and I’m happy to share them with you here!

One of those people is The Puzzler (as always, names are changed to protect the innocent). Like The Brit, The Puzzler works with me (she actually works for me….she’s my HR nightmare as you’ll soon see). Unlike The Brit, The Puzzler says things without knowing or understanding that they’re inappropriate until someone explains it to her. Which we may or may not always do. Below are a few highlights – yes she actually said these things in a work environment and none were meant in any kind of sexual way. Also she’s a few years from retirement so she doesn’t really care either.

  • Do you lubricate before bed?
  • Oh no I like going down!
  • You can tell it’s not tight because I can move it.
  • I get off on that
  • Over break my boyfriend and I were playing Ring-a-round the Rosie and he gave me a black eye.
  • Can I have a dickle?
  • I have a tickler for that
  • Wow look at her box
  • Oh we can wait a minute, he’s coming…he’s coming…oh there he comes!

There will be plenty more to come, I can guarantee it.