Night Crawler

There are many unspoken rules in life. Don’t interrupt people when they’re talking. Don’t ask a women if she’s pregnant when you’re not sure. Always answer the question, “Does this make me look fat?” by saying no.

There are also certain rules of etiquette that people just know. Especially when it comes to the gym.

Pick up after yourself.

Wipe down the equipment.

Use ear buds when listening to music.

Don’t count your reps out loud.

Don’t be a loud breather.

Did I mention pick up after yourself?

To me that’s the easiest and most basic of them all. When you get something out, put it away. Weights. Mats. Your ego. Whatever.

The gym I go to is at work. It’s an awesome perk we have and I feel very lucky that I have a convenient and cheap place to get a workout in. It’s also nice that they teach fitness classes in our gym, have personal trainers available, and have all the latest equipment. I’m spoiled and really have nothing to complain about.

Well, maybe one thing.

I arrive at the gym every morning around 5:30 am. Lately there has been a lot of stuff lying around or left behind. Monday I came in and found this waiting for me in the locker room.

Someone’s wet and gross dirty towel lying on the table. Sadly, this isn’t the first time I’ve found something left behind on my, er, this table.

[Sidenote: I’ve been working out and showering here nearly every morning for the last 5 years. I always use this table. Everyone knows that’s my spot and they all stay clear of it in the mornings. Kind of a sign of respect. I’m a creature of habit that way. When I establish something that works for me, I want to keep it. If someone else sets up camp there it just throws me all off but more on that in a later post.]

Anyway, I head out to the gym and in to the fitness room to find this:

3 pieces of equipment left out on the floor of the room. Perhaps this person was so wiped out after their workout that they simply had no energy left to put away the box and Bosu ball. Or maybe they tried to jump on that tall box and fell, hurting themselves so bad that they just couldn’t clean up.

Let’s fast forward through the week. Here is what I found in the locker room on Tuesday.

Towel is still there and now with the addition of a pair of socks. There are 2 problems here.

1. There are smelly used socks on my, er, the table. Next to the spot where I will be getting dressed and ready.

2. The fact that the towel is still there means that the cleaning lady left it behind. Which then leads me to wonder what else she didn’t clean in there. Its not like this is someone’s personal towel from home and she didn’t want to disturb it. Its clearly a gym towel because it’s white and cheap.

Sticking with the locker room, here’s Wednesday.

Dirty towel on the table? Yup.

Smelly socks? Check.

Oh whats this? A new addition! A second towel and on the floor!!

Thursday:

A water bottle! Also, items are now starting to migrate to my, er, this side of the table. Not a good trend.

The towel has now moved to the bench. Was this the sloppy persons doing or the cleaning lady. And again I wonder, if the cleaning lady can move it here, why can’t she move it to the hamper?

Oh, and what’s this? A half empty (or is it half full?) glass of water on the counter.

And finally, Friday.

Everything’s back on my, uh, the table and still on my side. This is getting ridiculous.

The gym was no better. Here’s what I walked in to each day of the week. I found it like this…

And this.

Oh, and this.

Here’s another one.

After weeks of this nonsense we have given the person who leaves stuff out in the gym a nickname – The Night Crawler. Why? Because obviously this person works out at night. And only a wormy sort of person wouldn’t pick up after themselves.

Let’s take a minute to psychoanalyze this person. First of all I think Night Crawler and Sloppy Locker Room Lady (SLRL) are the same person. Looking at the size of the weights left out (15 lb. steel bell, 15 lb. dumbbells, a light barbell) Night Crawler is likely a woman (or a really weak dude….but I’m going with a chick). My guess is a single woman who has the time and availability to exercise at night. Probably a millennial who either still lives at home with her parents or has a really messy apartment. Also likely is that Night Crawler has never belonged to another gym because I doubt other gyms that are staffed 24×7 would put up with this nonsense.

Is it stereotyping too much to predict Night Crawler is named Ella or Madison or something like that?

So now what? I could write an aggressive note on the mirror (“Pick up your stuff!”). Put a nice sign up (“Please be considerate of others and put away all equipment.”). I could come up with a fun poem (“Roses are red, violets are blue. If you can get it out, you can put it away too!”). I actually thought about reaching out to security and asking them to check the security camera recordings.

Or I could just deal. I don’t deal well when it comes to others being rude and disrespectful. That’s one of my biggest pet peeves. But it’s also not worth losing my serenity over.

So, I’ll continue to ignore and get ready around the crap left in the locker room, and put away the equipment left out in the gym. And I’ll hope that Ella or Madison learns the unspoken rules of life and the gym.

Because if I should run in to her someday and ask if this outfit makes me look fat, she better say no.

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Kosama

I am exactly at the halfway point of my 4 week membership to Kosama (a boot camp fitness center). Good news is they haven’t killed me yet. Bad news is that I hurt all over.

Let’s back up.

At our old house, I worked out in our basement either doing DVDs, the elliptical machine or workouts that I’d pull out of magazines. Or if the weather was nice, I’d go outside and run/walk with Samson.

samson walking

Well at the new house, things haven’t exactly been conducive to formal exercising. Our basement is pretty much being used for storage and so the elliptical is shoved in the corner, the DVDs are buried in a box somewhere and right now it’s too cold to go outside. So I needed something else.

I had heard about Kosama and other boot camp programs on the radio and such, and they sounded great, but hadn’t really investigated them seriously. Then one morning I saw that Living Social was having a deal: pay $40 and get 4 weeks of unlimited classes, a t-shirt, pre and post fitness assessment, yoga mat and kickboxing gloves. Seemed pretty good but I wanted to do my research first. Turns out, a normal 8 week session is $350. I’d say $40 was a pretty good deal!

So I jumped on it and enrolled in the November session.

On 10/30, I went for my pre-fitness assessment. They took measurements, weighed us, determined body fat, took before pictures and put us through the paces on various fitness tests (push ups, crunches, wall squats, pull ups, flexibility, and planks). It was all recorded and saved so that when we do the post-fitness assessment, we can see what progress we’ve made.

The very first class was plyometrics. Now, I consider myself to be pretty fit. As previously mentioned, I work out 5 days a week plus play volleyball once a week (twice a week in the summer). But I’m not going to lie to you. After the first 10 minutes of this plyo class I thought I was going to die. It was basically an hour of jumping various ways.

Plyometrics

(source)

And the next day I was so incredibly sore. It hurt to walk. To drive. To type. To breathe.

Yet, it felt good because I knew I had done something good for my body (no pain, no gain right?).

Did I mention that I go to the 5 a.m. class? That means I’m up everyday at 4:30 a.m. and getting my ass kicked from 5-6.

What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment.

How it works is that they rotate amongst 7 different workouts:

  • plyometrics
  • kickboxing
  • kettlebells
  • upper body
  • lower body
  • circuit
  • yoga

The middle 5 are mixed up every week so it’s always something different, and then Tuesday is always plyo and Saturday is always yoga. They have mercy and give you Sunday off.

Last week, Mon. – Fri. was circuit, plyo, kickboxing, circuit,  kickboxing. This week was upper body, plyo, kettlebells, kickboxing, circuit. And no two routines are the same.

kettlebells

(source)

What can I say – it’s a great workout. I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that some part of my body will hurt for the entire month on November. I sure as hell better see some results too. And it doesn’t hurt that Jeff, the manager of the location I go to is easy on the eyes. So when I’m halfway through a minute of burpees, I can look at his bulging biceps and feel a tad better. They also have women coaches who walk around and both encourage and correct form. That part has been great because a few exercises I thought I had the form perfect on, they gave me a few tips which made it that much more effective.

The question I’ve been asked over and over is if it’s worth paying full price for. I would honestly say no. While I love being pushed and working my body in new ways everyday, I’m not sure I’d pay $175 a month for it. However, if they ever do another Living Social/Groupon type deal again, jump on it. It was definitely worth the $40.

I’ll give a full report of my before/after results at the end of the month and let you know my final reviews!

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