Talking about Susan Boyle, “…and then she came out and her face was like a dog’s dinner!”

You Americans have such nice strong teeth, yet your chocolate chip cookies are so soft and chewy. Why?

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I asked me mum to get me a tea towel to commemorate William and Kate’s royal wedding. I can use it for wiping up the cat sick.

After lunch at Whole Foods where the Brit had Indian food:

“I think an alien is going to burst out of my stomach with a piece of naan bread in its mouth!”

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