Desk Job

Today I stopped by Panera on my way to work to grab a breakfast sandwich and some cookies for an afternoon meeting (tip: if you want people to participate, bring food. Works every time…). I found an awesome pull through spot and eagerly pulled in next to a shiny white Lexus. As I was getting out, I glanced in the window and, I kid you not, there were Kleenex EVERYWHERE! They were on the passenger seat, the floor of the passenger side, the console and the dashboard. There were probably more on the driver’s side and in the back but I didn’t look that close. Was afraid the cesspool of germs that are no doubt thriving in that car would seep out and leach on to me if I stood there any longer.

So it got me to thinking how so many of us present all nice and neat on the outside but on the inside are probably hot messes. Or perhaps the other way around – someone could look all discombobulated on the outside but have it all pulled together on the inside.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they keep their desk at work. Our offices/cubes are like second homes and most of the time they end up looking about the same way our houses do, which is often a reflection of us as people.

Let’s analyze, shall we?

Here’s a pic of my desk at The Mall (if you click on it, you can see a larger version with my notes on it). Keep in mind that I’m a contractor here so while I am not employed by the company inside the mall, I have been stationed here for several years, which accounts for why my desk looks so “lived in”. If I was consulting at a company for only a month or so, my desk wouldn’t look nearly this permanent.  

First, let’s dissect the items –

  1. Darth Vader poster: Yes, I secretly work on the Death Star and I  know you are all totally jealous. Bet you didn’t know the Death Star was located inside a mall did you? This whole “mall” thing is just a cover. In fact, Scooter is really R2D2 in disguise. Anyway, the big man himself thinks I’m doing great work and sent me a personalized, autographed picture that reads, “Sarah, Thank you for your hard work on the Death Star. Much love, Darth Vader.” Feel free to worship me now.
  2. Haphazard Christmas Decor: I included this in a post a few weeks ago. I’m pretty much the only one here with any holiday decor. Except for the girl one aisle over who has a dying poinsettia on  her desk. It literally  has one leaf left on it. It’s the Charlie Brown Poinsettia. As you can tell, I didn’t put much time into putting up my holly garland. But at least it’s more than The Strangler has.
  3. Christmas Card from The Strangler: Speaking of The Strangler…she was nice enough to give me a Christmas card. In it she wrote, “Have a great Xmas filled with Scooter fun and don’t eat anything from the candy machines, no matter how tempting it looks!” Words to live by, my friends.
  4. Sogeti mug: as previously mentioned, I am currently consulting at the company in the mall (which shall remain nameless). The company I actually work for is Sogeti. Because a big part of consulting is selling the company, I have my mug front and center! I also have a branded name plate on the top of my cube (which you can kind of see), wear branded apparel regularly, include Sogeti’s name subliminally in random documents and have a tattoo on my thumb so that it can be seen when I shake hands.
  5. Munchkin Desktop Background: Come on, how could anyone resist that adorable little face? It brightens my day every time I see her smile on my computer.
  6. Blog Notes: These are kept mostly for Annexed. There’s so much that goes on during the week that I want to include in each Friday’s edition that I have to keep notes or else I’ll forget. I should save those notes. Someday when I’m famous, those notes could be worth millions! [Sogeti]
  7. Token family pics: see #4. No matter what company I’m at, I like to have a couple of family pics on the wall. Keeps it all in perspective, ya know?
  8. Clorox Wipes: If you worked at The Mall you would understand the necessity for these. They are probably the single most important item in my cube…
  9. Box of cookies: Aforementioned Panera drops of heaven, er, cookies. The second most important item in my cube. [Sogeti]
  10. Random trinkets and junk: various tchotchkes collected over the years. These got reduced tremendously when I moved from the west office to The Mall. I only have a few now that include: a football rubber ducky, an affirmation paperweight, and a green smiley stressball.
  11. Couch coat: …or whatever coat I happen to be wearing that day. Today it was the couch coat, so named by a previous co-worker of mine who said that the pattern reminded him of his grandma’s couch. To which I promptly replied, “Well then your grandma has great taste!” I’ve had this coat for about 4 years and gotten numerous compliments on it. Every time I get a compliment on it, my inner child thinks back to that old co-worker (coincidently nicknamed Scooter) and say “Neener, neener, neener!” [Sogeti]

I know, I know. It’s not the tidiest desk in the world. But it’s not the messiest either. Believe you me, I’ve worked with some messy people…So what does this all mean? What kind of person does this stuff say that I am? Wait for something really deep and profound…

I dunno. 

You tell me – what do you think? What does all this stuff say about me?

[Sogeti]

$#*! my British Friend Says

Alert! Alert! A new series is being kicked off today! This series won’t appear on any particular day like Annexed does. Instead, it’ll be more like the Samson Stories where I interject them randomly.

This series will focus on the funny stuff that my British co-worker (known at The Brit or The Strangler) says.  Every time you read posts in this series, read it with a British accent. It will be much funnier that way!

Here’s today’s random comment:

“It’s kind of worrying when someone in the loo is obviously havin’ a plopper and they’re gruntin’ really bad.”

5 Things

Well being home this week with a concussion wasn’t all bad. Ok, so it wasn’t all good either. But, in the spirit of looking at the glass as half full, here are a few positive things that have come out of this week:

1. We saved on gas. My car was parked down at The Mall for the better part of 4 days and therefore didn’t get driven (drove? Whatever). Hey, if we can save a few pennies out of this whole ordeal, I’ll take it!

2. Speaking of pennies, we have now met our insurance deductible. We were about $1000 dollars away as of Monday morning. Considering Monday afternoon contained a trip to the ER, various doctor charges, a CT Scan, an MRI and blood work, I’d say we’ve more than covered that one grand. Not to mention they’ll probably charge me for the scrubs they “gave me” to wear home.

3. We know that I do in fact have a brain. Hey, some people questioned it but now I have the MRI results to prove it! And, not only do I have a brain, I have a big one. One of the biggest the radiologists have ever seen! Neener, neener, neener! Ok, maybe I’m making that up. Or maybe not. Guess only me and the radiologists will ever know…

4. I got caught up on sleep. Ever since being relocated to The Mall, sleep has been more and more fleeting. I get up earlier and go to bed later and do a whole lot more in between. But this week, I’ve been to bed by 9pm every night and had at least 1 nap every day. Awesome!

5. And the most important thing – I got to spend more time with Munchkin, CJ and Samson. While I would rather have another reason to be at home with them, I’ll take anytime I can get. Munchkin is such a joy and every minute we have together is precious. While I am getting stir crazy and am ready to get back to work, I will very much miss being at home with my family during the day.

The Faint of Heart

Well this is not how I anticipated my week going.

I came down with a bad cold Saturday night, after getting home from a road trip to Ames. I had the worst body aches – you know, the kind where even your hair hurts. I went to bed early hoping it was just tiredness from the trip but I awoke on Sunday feeling just as crappy.

I rested as much as I could on Sunday – as much as a 1-year-old will let you. Took a nap in the morning and laid on the couch most of the day watching football. I was in bed immediately after Desperate Housewives was over – hey, a girl’s gotta have priorities!

I tossed and turned all night and knew that I should not go to work on Monday. But, my FIL was coming over to spend time with Munchkin and I figured I wouldn’t get much rest at home. Besides, I have a desk job – how taxing could that be? So I went in to work. That was my first mistake of the day.

Got to work and had a relatively quiet morning. I had taken some DayQuil and Ibuprofen which seemed to keep the aches at bay. Wasn’t congested or anything but my stomach was queasy most of the day and I did feel light-headed. I had an orange for a mid-morning snack and then some soup and crackers/cheese for lunch. That’s not as much as I normally eat but I was afraid I’d puke if I ate too much. Second mistake of the day.

I tried to push the fluids, and thought I was doing a good job. I’ve blogged before about how I am a slow drinker and have a hard time getting my water in for the day. Monday was no exception. So, I didn’t get enough to drink. Third mistake.

After eating, I went for a walk around the mall with some co-workers and we found some really fun new things (more on that in this Friday’s edition of Annexed). I was actually feeling fairly decent, aside from the heavy coat of “ickiness” that comes when you’re sick. I had a meeting at 1pm so I headed in there to get everything set up.  The room was hot and had almost no circulation. I had a fan going right next to me but it did nothing to cut the air.

As soon as we got started, I felt it. My stomach was really feeling nauseous and I started to get shaky. I was drinking a 7-Up and kept sipping it hoping that would help. It didn’t. I tried to lean my head back in the chair and get comfortable, praying that I would be able to make it through the next 3 hours of meeting – thank God I wasn’t the one facilitating. After about 20 minutes it started to get worse. I seriously thought I was going to throw up and did NOT want to do that in a conference room full of people.  So I casually got up and snuck out of the room, making a beeline for the bathroom. That was at about 1:20pm.

A cleaning lady was in there but I didn’t care. I ducked in the first stall and sat down. My whole body was shaking, my stomach was doing flips and my vision was starting to get blurry. I put my head between my knees because they always tell you to do that if you feel light-headed or dizzy. It didn’t help. I took off my glasses and set them aside. Then the dream started.

I don’t remember what it was about but I know I had a dream. It was a nice one too. Suddenly I opened my eyes and for a second had no idea where I was. Then I saw the underside of the toilet and realized I had fainted and was on the floor of the stall. I managed to get myself up and sitting again. That’s when everyone came running in. Apparently the cleaning lady had run out to get help when I fainted. It was the folks from my meeting shouting my name and asking if I was ok. The co-dependent in my almost said “yes, I’m fine” but then I realized that was far from the truth so I eeked out a “No, I just fainted.”

My dear co-worker Vicki came in and asked if I could open the stall door and I did. She came in with cold clothes for my neck and head. I looked at my watch and it was 1:35pm. I remember asking how long I had been out and no one knew. It was a whirlwind then. People were taking my pulse. Everyone had an opinion on what happened and what should be done next. Eventually they all agreed I should go back to my desk and Vicki helped me get there.

Someone suggested calling Security so they did. I remember feeling a throbbing in my head and that’s when I realized I had hit it pretty hard on the floor. My knee and ankle hurt too (I would later realize that I had fallen forward and twisted to the right, hitting my upper back on the stall door and then my head and knee on the bathroom floor). Security got there pretty quick and started asking all kinds of questions. What happened? Had I been sick? Did I eat/drink enough today? Was I on any medication? They decided it was necessary to call 911 and get me to the hospital. The paramedics literally got there in less than 5 minutes.

They asked me all the same questions and then some more. They took my blood pressure (90 over something) then had me stand up and took it again (80 over something). They told me they were going to take me to the hospital and helped me on to the gurney. They strapped me down and whisked me away. Everyone was staring. The funny part is that one of the EMTs started talking to me about how hopping the mall was back in the day and how it seemed like a ghost town now. LOL. Tell me about it dude.

They loaded me in the ambulance and off we went (they didn’t use the sirens though, darn!). The head guy immediately hooked me up to an IV and started asking more questions. He also gave me something to keep me from throwing up. I was appreciative of that. We were at the hospital really quick and the docs were waiting. They zipped me off to a room, hooked me up to chest monitors, drew blood and then left me.

Vicki had followed us over there and kept me company in the room. I really appreciated that. Kept me from worrying and helped pass the time. We watched VH1 Behind The Music on Jennifer Hudson and then another one on Eve. We both agree that Eve needs to wear a bra more. Vicki took a few pics of me too.

Vicki says I look too healthy in this pic. LOL. Trust me, I was feeling crappy.

 

Close-up of the knot developing on my head

 
 The doc came in and said that my white blood cell count was low, as was my calcium. She wanted to do a CT Scan of my chest and an MRI of my head (apparently they need confirmation that I have a brain).  They also ordered a pregnancy test.

I was whisked off to the CT area but the preggo test results hadn’t come back yet and they couldn’t do the scan until they had that. I could have told them I wasn’t preggers but they had to check.  So I waited. And waited. A shift change happened and my gal left. I waited some more. Finally the results were back – no baby – and they took me in to do the scan. After that, I was carted off to have the MRI done. They took every possible angle of my head there could be. I was in the tube for 35 minutes. It was actually kind of nice because it gave me some quiet time to rest. Once that was done I went back to the room.

The results came back and low and behold, I do have a brain! Phew! 🙂 Everything checked out ok and gave them no further leads on the white blood cells or calcium readings. At that point, doc said they were going to let me go and suggested I follow-up with my regular doc in the morning. CJ was there by then and took me home.

Tuesday, I got in to my doc’s and he confirmed that I have a concussion from hitting my head on the floor. Must have whacked it pretty good to rattle my brain so! He said the low readings are probably due to the virus I have but he drew more blood just in case. I was told to stay home from work for a few more days.

So, that’s my story. Today I feel worse than yesterday. The concussion is intensifying the cold symptoms making the nausea and dizziness worse. My knee is doing better today though. I’m hoping that this is the “bottom” and tomorrow I will start feeling better.

A couple big lessons I’ve learned: 1) it’s ok to take it easy, 2) I need to ask for help when I need it and 3) I really do need to drink more than I do.  I’ve had a lot of friends send well wishes and I do appreciate all the love. It helps more than you know!

Annexed, The Premiere

Starting today, I’m going to devote every Friday blog to a new series that I like to call Annexed. It’s basically about the craziness and weirdness that surrounds me at my new work location*. I swear, this would make a killer sitcom and it would be a big hit. “The Office” meets “Outsourced” meets “My Name is Earl”. Got ya hooked already, don’t I!

The scene:

Our “office” is located inside a mall that is, for all intents and purposes, abandoned. At one time, this mall was a hustling, bustling place to be seen but now it’s pretty much been left to rot. Here’s a quote from deadmalls.com that pretty much sums it up, “Southroads was built into the slope of a bluff, and the dark interior always reminded me of the mall used in George Romero’s original “Dawn of the Dead.”

Pin'N Out In Bellevue!

The only occupants of the mall are a Mexican church, an awards/t-shirt shop, a barber who advertises military “kutz”, a Greek restaurant, a “musclehead” gym, and a police station (which sells t-shirts of pigs dressed as cops riding on a motorcycle with a dog in the sidecar. No, I’m not kidding). Every other bay in the mall is abandoned and many of them still have stuff lying around inside. And they all smell.

The company I work with resides in a large area of the mall – what used to be a Younkers department store. They also have another bay outside of that, called The Annex. Hence, the name of the series. It’s all coming together now isn’t it? I love it when things come full circle!  

The Characters:

Scooter Man's is not as nice as this, and it's not red. But it does have the basket!

Everyone that plays a part in this new work life is a perfect “character”. Aside from the “normal” office folk, we have a British woman who is one of the few people keeping me sane (Annexed was jointly created by her so I have to give a shout out to the Vickmeister!), vendors from India, Texans and a New Yorker. Then there are the characters that don’t work with us but instead lurk around the mall. There’s a guy on a scooter (you know, like the ones they used to advertise on TV all the time – “it can make a full 360 turn!”) who drives up and down the hallway saying hi to all the pretty women. I think Scooter is drunk most of the time so it’s slurred and comes out like “HIIIIiiiiii….” Then there are the mall walkers. There is a group of elderly men and women who meet there every morning and walk the mall, then sit at one of the old card tables and chat. There is even a sign on the wall that shows how many laps equals 1 mile! Suh-weet. That will totally come in handy when it’s the dead of winter and I need to get my mileage in!

The Extras:

Every show has to have special guests from time to time and this one is no exception! This week, the special guest was The Polling Place. There are apparently 3 districts that use The Mall as a polling place and they set up right inside the entry doors. I got a couple of frowns as I walked through on Tuesday morning. I think they thought my heels clicking on the tile was too much of a distraction for the voters (who sat at card tables filling out their ballots – no screen or anything for privacy). Whatevs.

The Highlight Reel:

1. One of the Indians invited himself back to my house to play with my daughter. This was before he found out that I work and my husband stays at home. He told me we were “reversed” and gave me a look that said, “That shit would never fly back home you crazy woman who thinks she’s equal to a man!” I’m pretty sure he won’t be coming to my house now.

2. The Brit and I have taken to walking the mall for Therapy every afternoon. Yesterday we saw a man on the other end of the hallway who had a limp and was flopping his arms about. He scattered when he saw us.

3. The Odor of The Day is “varnish mixed with mildew”. 

4. The Brit had to call 911 on her way home yesterday as there was a crazy homeless man hitchhiking IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFIC! He started off on the side of the road (not on the shoulder or a sidewalk, but literally on the side of a lane on the highway) but as he hitched his thumb to catch a lift, he would stagger into traffic. Awesome.

5. Speaking of traffic, on Monday I saw a woman pushing a baby stroller down the same road as Exhibit #3 above. Again, on the highway, in the lane of traffic. More awesome sauce.

So now that you have the back story, you are all set for the upcoming episodes of Annexed. Stay tuned kids – you won’t want to miss a minute of it! You’ve officially been Annexed!

*Note to all you compliance geeks – no worries, I won’t share anything about the work itself, the company I work for or the names of any employees. This is simply a fun look in to the crazy underworld that is The Annex.