Starting today, I’m going to devote every Friday blog to a new series that I like to call Annexed. It’s basically about the craziness and weirdness that surrounds me at my new work location*. I swear, this would make a killer sitcom and it would be a big hit. “The Office” meets “Outsourced” meets “My Name is Earl”. Got ya hooked already, don’t I!

The scene:

Our “office” is located inside a mall that is, for all intents and purposes, abandoned. At one time, this mall was a hustling, bustling place to be seen but now it’s pretty much been left to rot. Here’s a quote from deadmalls.com that pretty much sums it up, “Southroads was built into the slope of a bluff, and the dark interior always reminded me of the mall used in George Romero’s original “Dawn of the Dead.”

The only occupants of the mall are a Mexican church, an awards/t-shirt shop, a barber who advertises military “kutz”, a Greek restaurant, a “musclehead” gym, and a police station (which sells t-shirts of pigs dressed as cops riding on a motorcycle with a dog in the sidecar. No, I’m not kidding). Every other bay in the mall is abandoned and many of them still have stuff lying around inside. And they all smell.

The company I work with resides in a large area of the mall – what used to be a Younkers department store. They also have another bay outside of that, called The Annex. Hence, the name of the series. It’s all coming together now isn’t it? I love it when things come full circle!  

The Characters:

Everyone that plays a part in this new work life is a perfect “character”. Aside from the “normal” office folk, we have a British woman who is one of the few people keeping me sane (Annexed was jointly created by her so I have to give a shout out to the Vickmeister!), vendors from India, Texans and a New Yorker. Then there are the characters that don’t work with us but instead lurk around the mall. There’s a guy on a scooter (you know, like the ones they used to advertise on TV all the time – “it can make a full 360 turn!”) who drives up and down the hallway saying hi to all the pretty women. I think Scooter is drunk most of the time so it’s slurred and comes out like “HIIIIiiiiii….” Then there are the mall walkers. There is a group of elderly men and women who meet there every morning and walk the mall, then sit at one of the old card tables and chat. There is even a sign on the wall that shows how many laps equals 1 mile! Suh-weet. That will totally come in handy when it’s the dead of winter and I need to get my mileage in!

The Extras:

Every show has to have special guests from time to time and this one is no exception! This week, the special guest was The Polling Place. There are apparently 3 districts that use The Mall as a polling place and they set up right inside the entry doors. I got a couple of frowns as I walked through on Tuesday morning. I think they thought my heels clicking on the tile was too much of a distraction for the voters (who sat at card tables filling out their ballots – no screen or anything for privacy). Whatevs.

The Highlight Reel:

1. One of the Indians invited himself back to my house to play with my daughter. This was before he found out that I work and my husband stays at home. He told me we were “reversed” and gave me a look that said, “That shit would never fly back home you crazy woman who thinks she’s equal to a man!” I’m pretty sure he won’t be coming to my house now.

2. The Brit and I have taken to walking the mall for Therapy every afternoon. Yesterday we saw a man on the other end of the hallway who had a limp and was flopping his arms about. He scattered when he saw us.

3. The Odor of The Day is “varnish mixed with mildew”. 

4. The Brit had to call 911 on her way home yesterday as there was a crazy homeless man hitchhiking IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFIC! He started off on the side of the road (not on the shoulder or a sidewalk, but literally on the side of a lane on the highway) but as he hitched his thumb to catch a lift, he would stagger into traffic. Awesome.

5. Speaking of traffic, on Monday I saw a woman pushing a baby stroller down the same road as Exhibit #3 above. Again, on the highway, in the lane of traffic. More awesome sauce.

So now that you have the back story, you are all set for the upcoming episodes of Annexed. Stay tuned kids – you won’t want to miss a minute of it! You’ve officially been Annexed!

*Note to all you compliance geeks – no worries, I won’t share anything about the work itself, the company I work for or the names of any employees. This is simply a fun look in to the crazy underworld that is The Annex.