Yesterday was Samson’s day for Doggie Day Camp. Boy was he ready to go. He was eyeing the hall closet all morning (that’s where we keep his leash) and when I opened it to get my coat, he practically did flips in the air. He bounded in the backseat and was so excited he couldn’t even sit still. I’m not sure why he was so excited. The only thing I could figure was that he couldn’t wait to see his girlfriend, Willow, the Golden Retriever. They’ve probably been messaging each other on Dog Book (doggie Facebook) and sending virtual  love licks. All the other dogs just roll their eyes at how sickly in love Samson and Willow are with each other.

So we get to PetSmart and he does his usual trick of dragging me in to the store as if I’m on a sled and he’s pulling me across the Adirondacks. He gets all checked in and I leave to go to work. I get back to pick him up around 6:00 p.m. and this is how it plays out when they bring him up front:

• Me in a high-pitched dog/baby voice: “Hey dude! Did you have fun playing? How was your girlfriend today?”
• The PetSmart employee:  “You mean Willow?”
• [I nod]
• She gets a weird look on her face and says: “He played with Karen today.”
• Me: “Oh, so Willow didn’t come today.”
• PetSmart Employee: “Um, no, she was here.”

[sound of record scratching and music halting]

WHAT?! His girlfriend, the love of his life, was there and they didn’t play? What on earth?

The whole ride home I tried to get the story out of Samson but he refused to talk about it. He just laid down in the backseat. Then we got home and he tried to pretend everything was ok by stealing Isabella’s food, but I knew something was up. As we were watching TV, I look over and he’s laying on the couch with his sad eyes. I pet him and ask about it. He still wouldn’t talk so I could only deduce what happened. It’s one of four possible scenarios:

1. Willow cheated on him
2. Samson cheated on her with Karen
3. They had a fight, broke-up and Karen was his rebound girl
4. The press corp got some dirt on Willow and Samson is keeping his distance because he’s up for re-election in the Fall.

My money is on #1 based on how Samson was acting. I could tell he had a broken heart. That two-timing bitch, thinkin’ she’s all that and a bag of milk bones because of her long golden flowing locks! She probably cheated with some “stud” who wasn’t neutered and she will end up preggers, drop out of school  day camp and spend the rest of her life wishing she never would have cheated on Samson.

Last night he changed his Dog Book status to single and blocked Willow before  he went to bed. 

I just hope it’s not too uncomfortable at Day Camp going forward. The other dogs will have to pick sides and that can get awkward. I’m pretty sure they’ll pick him though. I mean, he is the Mayor and, let’s be honest, there are some fame whores there.

He’ll be ok in the end. He’s a tough guy and with looks like his (he’s basically the Brad Pitt of the dog world), it won’t be long before he’s found a suitable replacement. It probably won’t be Karen though. I hear she eats poop…