Once again I am stealing ideas from other bloggers. Hey, it’s the internet. THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR!
When I first started this blog, I was all focused on the stats – how many visitors did I have today? Which posts were the most popular? Where were people referred from? I can’t tell you how happy I was on the day I hit double digits for the first time! WordPress has a pretty good Site Stats page that tells you all this and more – such as what search terms people used to find you. I was sure this would be very helpful and revealing information until I read the terms/phrases and realized it’s totally B.S. that people found me by typing in that. Some of the stuff was downright creepy and it worried me that my family friendly little corner of the blog-o-sphere could be uncovered by searching for something like, “wife catches her kids and neighbor kids sniffing my panties”.
Uh.
Until I realized that every blog gets those weird searches (for example here and here). So I’m following suit and using those crazy searches for blog fodder. Hopefully they make you laugh (or cringe or furrow your brow) as much as they did me!
1. Million Dollar Homes (related searches: 10 million dollar homes, million dollar houses, 5 million dollar homes/houses, million dollar dog house, island mansion plans, biggest dog house): By far the top search with about 175 people typing in one of these terms and finding Team Trader Mom. I can only assume they found me because Google thinks my current house looks like a million dollar home and my soon-to-be new house looks like a 10 million dollar home. Or because I posted about my dream island and linked to some other websites that probably reference million dollar homes. But I’ll choose to believe the former.
2. Leaky ceiling: this is the next top search with 18 instances. That’s a lot considering most of the search terms happened only one or 2 times. This one is no doubt due to the cruel and unusual conditions we had to endure at The Mall.
3. Young girls biceps (also mom biceps, licking her own biceps, girl next door biceps, 13″ biceps, woman biceps, circus biceps, wonder woman biceps, april hunter biceps, big sweaty swollen biceps, fat girl biceps, my gunz biceps woman, a pic of my guns biceps, grandma biceps): 37 people want to know about biceps. All kinds of biceps. I don’t know who April Hunter is but I’m afraid to search for it. Apparently she has good biceps though. And hey, who wouldn’t want to see some grandma biceps? Or circus biceps! Count me in! Or not. I hope when they stumbled upon my biceps, they weren’t too disappointed. After all, though CJ calls me wonder woman, I don’t think I have her physique.
4. cute security guard at Oakview mall: 4. No where do I recall referring to cute security guards or Oakview mall but hey, if this so-called cute guard does exist, perhaps I should shop there more often! I used to work at Oakview back in high school and let me tell you there were no cute security guards then. But there was a cute UPS driver. Ah, the memories.
5. who went to private school on the steelers team? (also, Steelers bow, steelers fuzzy blanket, samson steelers, steelers spelled in hair, steeler cheese): 8 combined. Do you know how happy it makes me that my little blog home gets included when people search for Steelers stuff! I get where the bow and blanket references come from. And naturally if someone searched for a samson steeler, they would probably find Samson posts. But private school on the team? Hmm. If there is such a thing, sign me up! Steeler cheese? What a great idea for the next Super Bowl party (because you know we’ll be there – #7 baby!).
6. i want to date josh groban (and also groban+frontrow seats + crew, josh broban omaha firebreathing panda, josh groban with mum, josh groban older women, i actually dated josh groban): 9. A lot of women like Josh Groban and who can blame them. No doubt they were all jealous of my date with him. Eat your hearts out ladies!
And now for the rundown of all the really weird ones:
- person kissing fire truck – hey, whatever trips your trigger
- mom pooping with daughter – um, ew.
- snowpants camps – there are special camps where snowpants go to learn how to become better at keeping me warm and dry? Who knew!
- snowpants peeing – peeing in snowpants is indeed a challenge. However I don’t think I need a tutorial on how to do it.
- parts of a lion – I hope this person is looking for parts such as “mane” or “tail” or “big teeth” and not something else that would totally go in a different direction than I’m willing to go.
- happy tickles – aren’t all tickles happy?
- kids hazmat gloves – I’m sorry that someone needs hazmat gloves for their kid.
- i have an eye patch – you do? Cool! Do you also walk around and say “argh!” a lot?
- bikini model with big ass and breasts eating a cheese burger – there is one word that comes to mind when women see another woman, with a killer body, eating a cheese burger: bitch.
- red thing on forehead – well that doesn’t sound good. I hope that clears up for you!
- cj cake – now where do I find one of these cuz I think I need one for a certain 50th birthday that’s coming up next year….
- 12 rods – split personalities – you’d think if you have 12 personalities, you could come up with 12 different names. Unless he’s the George Forman of schizophrenics.
- homework sucks go scooter – homework does suck but go Scooter go!
- pretty girl like you dont need to go messin round a dirty old house … ha . ii… i .mean .. aaah come on . t.t.m – I got nothin’
Well there you have it. Some of the ways that people got to my site. And yes, I’m totally aware that by typing the above phrases in this post, I’m more likely to get repeat traffic for some of those searches. What can I say, it’s a sneaky way for me to get more hits!
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