After lunch at Whole Foods where the Brit had Indian food:
“I think an alien is going to burst out of my stomach with a piece of naan bread in its mouth!”
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On the drive home from a professional development lunch today:
“You knob stick!” to some guy who cut us off on the road.
“Oh crap I’m almost out of gas. Why does this keep happening to me?” when the gas light came on.
Finally, when a gal almost stole our primo parking spot, “Oh bloody bollocks hell!” (or something like that, I was laughing so hard I didn’t quite get all the words committed to memory).
This week – Explosions! Electrocutions! And a special appearance by Chewbacca!
So the week started off pretty quiet. Folks were coming back from their holiday breaks and getting caught up on emails. I thought, man if this is how the week is going to go, I’m gonna really have to pull something out of my arse for Annexed.
But, the week did not disappoint.
Tuesday: The Brit returned. It was great to have her back and we celebrated by having lunch at John’s, where she told us all kinds of colorful stories. She was a bit stressed having to come back and find hundreds of emails waiting for her so throughout the day we heard various mumblings coming from her corner of the world. Most of them I am not able to repeat because this is a clean blog. Did you know that The Strangler knows cuss words in like 8 different languages including Turkish, Spanish and Hindi?
Wednesday. As part of my resolution to eat better and save some pennies, I brought my lunch. It was some pasta, corn and grapes. The pasta and corn were in a container together, which I threw in the microwave, set for 1 min. and pressed ‘Start’. I was chatting with Bubbles (the female Texan – Bob came up with that name, don’t ask) when all of a sudden we both heard a “BOOM!” and look over in time to see corn flying up in the air. I ran to the microwave and threw open the door. Yep, corn everywhere. Doh! I cleaned up the carnage and then checked the food. Everything was still cool so I had to put the cover on before I could continue heating. We could hear popping as it continued to cook but the lid kept everything in. I was afraid I’d open it up to find actual popcorn but thankfully everything was a-okay.
Thursday: The day started like any other. Go to work, check email, chit-chat with the Texans, sterilize my desk, jack with stuff on Vicki’s desk, get a cup of tea, etc. I had a few meetings, ate lunch then went to another meeting. At one point I was chatting with Barry (the male Texan – again, you can attribute this name to Bob) and I saw something fall from the ceiling and land somewhere behind him. I thought I was seeing things and shrugged it off. Until it happened a second time and then a third. I went over to investigate but didn’t see anything on the floor. Oh well, must be the drugs messing with me again…
Off I went to a marathon meeting. When I came back, Bubbles asked if I heard any dripping. As a matter of fact, I did. We looked up to discover that the stain on the ceiling which we thought had been there all along, was in fact a new, fresh one (when there are as many stains on the ceiling as there are in the Annex, you become oblivious to them). The Brit had pointed it out on Tuesday and we told her she was crazy. Turns out, she is crazy, but not because of the stain.
Anywho, we walk closer and sure enough, we hear water dripping from the roof on to the back of the ceiling tile. It hadn’t broken through yet but we figure it’s only a matter of time and could be bad when it does, so we notify Facilities. As an added bonus, the leak is above and just to the front of The Brit’s cube so if it did burst open, The Strangler would really come out!
We go about our business when out of the corner of my eye, I see something fall from the ceiling again. I ask Bubbles if she sees it and she does! Ah ha! We go over to look and do not see anything. Then it drips again – turns out it’s water coming out of the light in the ceiling, which means there’s water running over electrical lines up there. NICE! We can see it come out but we don’t see it land anywhere. WTF!? I finally stand right under the light and look up to see where it’s coming out of. I see the leak and point up to it right as another drip comes down, and hits me in the arm. I swear to you I would not have been surprised if my skin started burning off considering what kinds of nasties are probably lurking in the ceilings up there. We finally find the landing spot – the water is hitting an electrical outlet on the wall. Double nice! For fun I stuck my finger in it to make sure it was in fact wet. It was and I had really big hair the rest of the day…Bubbles and I put a waste basket there to catch the water and prevent any further electrocutions.
About an hour later, the Facilities guy comes over. He climbs up on the ladder and starts poking around in the ceiling. I hear him say, “Hmm, you can hear more drips up here than you can down there.”
He also comments about how there is standing water in there. There is nothing he can do to fix it, since the source is the roof, which is under The Mall’s jurisdiction. He calls them and they promise to go check it out tomorrow morning (which is today). In the meantime he sets up a series of garbage cans around the cubes to catch all the drips.
(look closely – after seeing this image I realized there is a shadowy figure up in the ceiling…The REAL Strangler maybe? )
He caught most of the drips, but not all…
A bit later, we hear this weird whining/growling/whirring noise coming from the roof. It sounded like Chewbacca making a death cry. Not sure if it was Facilities getting up there to check things out or what but I was starting to wonder if I would have to make a phone call to Malla , informing her that her son was dying.
The Brit has moved back to the West office so she wasn’t there to witness all the commotion going on in her cube. Don’t worry, I kindly let her know via email:
I worked out of the West office today so not sure if they ever came back to fix the leaks. I fully expect to find that same set up there on Monday when I come in. Fortunately it’s supposed to freeze this weekend so that will stop the drips…at least the water ones.
Friday: As mentioned above, I came to the West office to work today. Here’s what I found waiting for me on my desk:
Yes, apparently when I left here the last time, I was in a hurry and forgot to rinse out the tea (with cream in it) that was remaining in my mug. Oops. That was over 2 weeks ago. I guess if you leave tea sitting for that long, it dries up and then cracks. Ew.
I’ll admit, this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. Once, many moons ago, I had some tea (with cream in it of course) in a paper cup with a lid on it. I left it overnight and the next morning took a big old swig thinking it was water. It was not. It was curdled up disgustingness. I literally spit it back out in the garbage and then promptly ran to the bathroom and rinsed my mouth out like 100 times. No, I haven’t learned my lesson.
Anyway, today was quiet, book-ending the week nicely. Bob, The Brit and I went out for lunch, which was its own adventure (The Brit ordered an appetizer for her meal and it wasn’t enough food. It turned out to have this black sludge stuff as part of it,which she ate out of desperation. I think she’s been making friends with the bathroom ever since). Before we left, Bob decided to mess with The Brit’s mind and he left his chewed up gum, stuck to a piece of paper, on her desk, while she was in the “loo”. We wandered off and observed from a far. When she came back and saw it, her head spun around 3 times, her heart stopped, she peed her pants a little and then turned to Bob and the following came out, “I KNOW THE COLOR OF YOUR GUM YOU FILTHY BASTARD!” Ah…good times.
Sadly, I will most likely be moving back to the West Office in a couple of weeks. While this is great news for me and my health, it also means Annexed has only a few weeks left, unless I figure something else out. I’ll probably be back there for meetings and stuff so there may be a few Annexed Specials coming! But never fear, there are still at least 2 more episodes so stay tuned!
Consider yourself Annexed!!
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After a particularly, ehem, gut wrenching lunch, the following instant message conversation took place between me and The Brit: